I saw the gap again today. While you were begging me to stay. Take care not to make me enter, if I do we both may disappear. Managed to push myself away, You as well, my dear. Pushed you away my dear. Pushed you away. I will choke until I swallow. Choke this infant here before me. What are you but my reflection? Who am I to judge or strike you down? But you’re pushing me. And I’m shoving you. And you’re pushing and I’m shoving. Rest you trigger on my finger. Bang my head upon the fault line. But you’re pushing me and I’m shoving you. But you still love me? You still love me You still love me? Still love me. But I’m pushing and you’re shoving. And we’re pushing and we’re shoving. But you still love me. And you’re pushing as I”m shoving. And I’m falling back into the gap again. I feel alive when you touch me. I feel alive when you hold me..down. Slipping back into you. I am somewhere I don’t wanna be. Put me somewhere I don’t wanna be. Push me somewhere I don’t wanna be. Seeing some place I don’t wanna see. Never wanna see that place again. I saw that gap again today. While you were begging me to stay. Managed to push myself away. And you as well, my dear. If, when I say I might fade like a sigh if I stay, you minimize my movement anyway, I must persuade you another way. There’s no love in fear. Staring down the hole again. Hands are on my back again. Terrified of what may come. Remember I will always love you..as I claw your fucking throat away. It will end no other way.
Umm want him..now..
This snake has seen some things…
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.
I want so much that is not here and do not know where to go.
I want to travel, I want to see the world..I want to be a pirate, I wanna have more crazy tales like I used to live. I want everything to be Rainbowsparklesfantasticamazingbeautifulforever..where has all the magic gone? Why I am stuck?
Going barefoot is the gentlest way of walking and can symbolise a way of living — being authentic, vulnerable, sensitive to our surroundings. It’s the feeling of enjoying warm sand beneath our toes, or carefully making our way over sharp rocks in the darkness. It’s a way of living that has the lightest impact, removing the barrier between us and nature.
Been kinda back and forth as always in the swirling storm of mental illness..finally have a place to stay, but it has to be rebuilt..we’ve torn down everything and so far replaced the floors and just finished with the walls..but it’s just gonna take some time, hard to think of little details like paint or even bringing stuff to put in it..especially when all I can think about in between being sick is wanting to cease to exist..everything is so back and forth..everytime I figure it out, I knock myself back down. I think I just need socialization..even though it’s finally a place of my semi-own i feel so isolated out here..I have to be me, but I’m being pushed to be domesticated and it’s a bit strange having someone want me to be a “house wife” when I am decidedly done with being in a female role. I just need to invent a better way to support myself.
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